Because I choose

A poem from the point of view of post-break-up, trying to choose to move on.

It would be so easy to hate you
Or the way you make me feel
The way you make it all okay
Whilst my heart breaks
– But I can’t
It would be so helpful to be angry
Or shout and cry out and kneel
The way I forgive you on sight
Whilst my heart breaks
– But it isn’t

It would be so useful to hurt you
Or provoke your desire for me
The way you make my heart dance
Whilst my heart breaks
– But I won’t
It would be so beautiful to curse you
Or hate the smiles and care I see
The way you’ve carried on so easily
Whilst my heart breaks
– But it couldn’t

But out of all these woulds I want none
It’s too easy to love you standing there
The way you broke my heart so ruthlessly
Whilst showing me that you care
– But you don’t
But out of all these woulds I want nothing
It’s too easy to shout, scream and swear
The way you turned my world inside out
Whilst assuming I’d always be there
– But I won’t
But out of all of these woulds I want none
It’s too easy to be cursing and smouldering here
The way you kept away and shut me out
Whilst always keeping me near
– But you can’t

So what I’ve learned from these woulds
Is that I loved you despite my fight
Whilst I felt I could never
My heart was too clever
And in the moment our dreams would ignite
It’s easy to hate but it’s easy to love
Hard to move on, seeing you tears me apart
I’ll take the pain with every glance
If I believe there’s a chance
Even as you ignore that you broke my heart
Because you choose to
So not out of weakness and not out of spite
I have to believe I can forfeit this fight
If I can forgive that you broke my heart

Because I choose to

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