Careless

Drawing it out
With each passing day
I’m hurting in my heart
As you push me away
So much is unspoken
In the year that has passed
Storytelling in silence
To make the hope last

I don’t want to play games
Or hurt you in turn
I only wish you were careful
If only you could learn
That each mention of her name
And each nod to the past
Just keep reviving my pain
It overwhelmingly lasts

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Not done yet

It’s been a while since I put pen to page
Fighting the darkness on each step of the way
I’m making ground and I’m forging on
I’m feeling a heaviness but I’m willing it gone
I don’t want to give in to the relentless hours
But I can feel it pulling, swallowing desires
Taking my passions one pen stroke at a time
Telling me I’m not good enough, I must still try
I have been doing better with each passing week
But will take a little while longer getting back to my feet
Hiding it from those I love – admitting I’m lost, it’s easy to forget
The times I’ve come trough this… I’m not done yet

Morning light 

Waking up with a lightness in my mind,
As I realise it’s only a matter of time.
The sunlight breaks through the cracks,
Seeking, tripping, pouring a delightful attack
On darkness, it slices and tumbles in a dance.
A complimentary juxtaposition, cutting silence,
The dust swims between these realms,
Like their dreams are fighting fears at the helm –
Jutting, falling landing on my skin,
Their ferocious fragility echoes within.
A touch you can see but not feel with any weight
But the comforting warmth of the beams, that I break
With my hands, as they tango in light with the dust,
Reminds me beauty is there – if you look hard enough.

Contrast

When I can see the sun
But not feel it on my skin
When I can hear the music
And my heart won’t tune in
When I see your eyes alight
But the tenderness is gone
When I’m taking strides
Pretending to be strong
In it there’s despair as black as the night
But in me there’s one last flicker, one last fight

Didn’t you know?

Didn’t anyone tell you?
She’s gone, the girl you knew
I’m an illusion of what you saw
Helping to carry her through
Through the “good morning!”
The daily jibes and jokes fly
The facade and feverish delightedness
Until I carry her home to cry

Didn’t anyone tell you?
She’s not sleeping, not laughing
I’m keeping her together now
She’s too vulnerable, a fragile thing
She’s still captivated by your lies
Lead through a dance by your games
I’m desperately keeping her hidden
In the hope she’ll return one day

Didn’t anyone tell you?
How you broke her heart, didn’t she?
Too afraid you’d laugh and shrug
She didn’t because she’s not me
So that’s why I’m here, finding my way
Through her ferocious white fear
Taking hold of her shattered heart
So that all you see is one tear

Didn’t anyone tell you?
How she’s an echo, tethered to despair
Whilst I’m hunting for hope in her heart
She falters, flinches at each glare
With a heavy heart I begin again each day
But with each day I’m more strong
Because I can see she’s not totally lost
I can see she’s still holding on

Crash

Hitting reality with a crash

When I’m reminded how you don’t want me 

After a week of chatter from over seas

Your hot-and-cold returns, my heart re-breaks and my hopes flee 

Thanks for the hope

And thanks for the intoxicating charm

And thanks for the cold hard truth

As the floor falls away, I’m suddenly disarmed

Chicago Baby! A great experience

So it’s come to the end of my travels in Chicago and I’m truly sad to say goodbye to this fab’lous place. As with anywhere there are good and not so good places and bad press, in this instance about gun crime, but my experience is not of a hostile city, as I was lead to believe it would be. It’s not of an unsafe place and unfriendly people. Not a place to feel vulnerable as a young woman travelling on my own but a warm, relaxed and inviting city, with enough to do and see to keep you tripping from one to another all week and still have more to see.

Chicago Theatre

Chicago Theatre

The food was amazing…

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Chicago Baby! An architecture experience

Having never considered myself particularly interested in architecture other than to go “oooh that’s pretty!” I decided to take a river-boat-cruise about architecture during my stay here in Chicago.

I was so glad I chose to go, it was gorgeous, seeing way they call the ‘canyon’ if skyscrapers from a different perspective with an enthusiast’s narration about the development and ebb and low of architecture styles, fads and trends.

Also a lovely story or two about the change in the city’s relationship with the river, how it changed over time, used and abused, misused, loved and now a must-see feature of this booming city.

How ever you look at it the city has many pockets of different characteristics and each nook and cranny appears to have a story to tell.

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Chicago Baby! An artistic experience

I had a wonderful day yesterday at the art institute off Michigan Avenue, you really could lose yourself for days in this wonderful place, with rooms and corridors full of wonderful art work, and a whole ‘wing’ dedicated to modern and contemporary American art.

Walking up to the building as I strolled the length of Michigan Avenue was a delight in itself. It holds echos of the grandeur similar to that of the larger London museums, but is grand and delightful in its own right. There are two large lion statues bookending some harsh-cut asymmetrical steps that draw your eyes into the sheer glass and gold doors that invite you in.

The art institute

Art institute off Michigan Avenue

The flags are triumphantly boasted amongst the crisp arches that advertise a few of their exhibitions …

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Chicago Baby! A sight seeing experience

So today I’m heading to the Art Institute, I’ve been told you need days to fully explore, such is the delight and wonder of the place, so many things to see.

Here are a few photos from my sight seeing so far this week; from my time in Millennium Park, which is a beautiful space with art installations, a beautiful and large free outdoor theatre, some fountains and ‘The Bean’ to name but a few.

Millennium Park

Harris Theatre on the edge of Millennium Park

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