Shadow

When the message comes from the shadows

From the antithesis, from your fear,

How do you respond?

How do you fight the tears?

When they’ve taken your voice and your hope

By ignoring the plea and your tears

How do you respond?

And hide your fear?

When they ignored your statement of “no”

By taking what they felt they were owed

How do you respond?

To the shadow gripping your soul?

When they know you were in their control

And you were too scared, you couldn’t just go

How do you respond?

To the shadow that saw ‘yes’ in ‘no’?

When the shadow imposes on your future

When you thought they were in your past

How do you respond?

Was ‘moving on’ too good to last?

When the shadow takes over your mind

The shadow haunts your every breath

How do you respond?

When your predator sends you a text?

When your shadow refuses to hide,

And you’re tearing your heart up inside,

How do you respond?

When you have hidden this part of your life?

So this shadow, this vulture, this ghost,

Who you trusted, when you were vulnerable and lost

How do you respond?

When you are fully aware of the cost?

Fear.

Hope.

Loss.

No.

I said no.

You heard yes.

And my shadow,

Puts me to the test.

No

When I said no

You heard a challenge

Even though I told you

Of my fear of the damage

When I cried and left

You saw a chance

Even though I told you

That I’m done with this dance

When I said no

With fear, unstable

You abused your power

Knowing I was vulnerable

When I said no

It wasn’t in grey

But somehow feels ambiguous

In the cold light of day

But I was complicit

I also took part

So with shame in my voice

My expression is through art

Silence

A silence so heavy and hollow

It can wrap it’s fingers around your heart

Reaching through the inner shouts

And tormented voices

A silence so thick and empty

It can wrap itself around your mind

Reaching through to highlight the doubts

And question all your choices

The difference between lonely and alone

Is that silence you feel when all voices are gone

It’s that intrinsic belief you will always be one

The isolation is in your bones, as this heart-gripping silence becomes your home

Drifting

Sometimes it’s the small things

The beat

The moment

The suspension of attention

When a screen is more interesting than you

When the laugh is somehow disconnected

The look is skips a beat and no longer lingers

When the fondness is still there but distracted

And those small things

Combined with a name

A glance at the wrong moment

Hold your breath

Feel the kiss

And then the truth

It’s all in your head

Relief

Distance is un-quantifiable

Between breaths

Between beats

But when its there

Your heart sinks

Or the delusion

Is it all in your head?

Sometimes it’s the small things

The beat

The moment

The suspension of attention

And you suddenly realise…

You’re… drifting

Skip, breathe, leap

There’s a moment, an unquantifiable measure of sound,
of time, of intention and of desire
Where a heart-skip descends into a heart-break
Or a heart-break lifts to a heart-skip; like fire.
Take that ghostly uncertainty by the hand and be found,
in that moment, that heart-beat, that breath
Where first-love descends into love-lost
Or love-lost gives live to new-love; what’s next?

To take chance by the horns, leap into that heart-beat-skip-break
And know that this chance on your secret love, was your chance to take.
Stifled and stilted like your words as you untangle
to make sense of the metaphors by which your muse is strangled.

Take a leap into the unknown, it’s necessarily to risk,
in that second, that baited-breath; to love?
Where doubt and second chances, intertwine and dance
Or they part like stifled-breath with relief; is it enough?

Take a moment, by the hand and a leap into ‘unkown’
With baited-breath your heard skips; in a beat, in love but unshown,
Where the moments and memories collide in your head
And your eyes lock again with a history unsaid

You say “I still love you”
My thought; Requited.

You say “I miss you”
My thought; Decided.

Silence

A silence so thick, so deafening

I can feel it closing in around my cage

The cage supposing to protect my heart

The silence stifles as I force my breath to engage

A silence too cold, like lightening

I can feel it’s breath taking hold of my heart

The breath supposing to offer a beat of peace

Where my breath stutters, Silence’s breath starts

Out of reach

There’s a moment

In this turbulence

The trepidation as I step up to the crossroads

Where I realise

There’s a disturbance

The fear holds my heart steadfast as it implodes

In that moment

I realise, as my heart splits

There’s this void in myself that can’t be made complete

I’m still in love with you, despite it all

But I simply want to live

Is it too much to ask

Of my heart

To ask of you

Without falling further

Without falling apart

The life I have.

Not on the edge of what’s out of reach

Lament

Sometimes there’s just no space to feel anything

Other than what’s expected

Go through the motions

Do what’s predicted

Don’t cause a fuss

And stay unaffected.

Sometimes I lament

I prophesise and I long for,

Just sometimes I feel it would be easier,

If I could be gone for

A heart beat or a moment

A moment, a minute

For peace or atonement

Knowing what I know,

What I feel and what I see

Not understanding a future

Despite or including me,

I put my strength and emotions to the test,

If I or my heart or my accute emotions

Were no longer around

Some how, and some times

I feel it would be best

To stay where your feet

Your hopes and heart hit the ground

I lament

I don’t hope

Sometimes

I don’t wanna cope

Whatever that means

And whatever they say

My moments and seconds

Are mine to play

Captivated

Intoxicated by you

I can’t resist your heart

But you tell me you still love me

And it tears me apart

Enraptured by you

It’s always like a dream

But you’ve chosen head over heart

So you will never again choose me

Infatuated with you

The way we connect the way we spark

But you’ve made your choice with no regrets

Whilst I’m trapped inside your heart

Captivated in a desire that is requited

To never be, and yet forever be yours

Bad timing

It was just bad timing
As you always said it was
When we fell, when we met
When you left, I was bereft

It was just bad timing
As you always knew it was
When we kissed, when we fell
When I lost myself, heartbroken hell

Bad timing
Syncopated love
Taken in stolen seconds
Shared in vain
Bad timing
Syncopated hearts
Loving in moments
Left in pain

It was just bad timing
As you always saw it was
When you held me, when we cared
When we were broken, and scared

It was just bad timing
As I always knew it could be
When you said you could fall in love
And I was too scared to say the truth

Bad timing
Syncopated love
Taken in stolen seconds
Shared in vain
Bad timing
Syncopated hearts
Loving in moments
Left in pain

It was just bad timing
As I always feard it was
When I head you’d met someone else
And I was too deluded to tell

It was just bad timing
We both knew it all along
When we fell, into and out of
Whatever we had, it was never enough

Bad timing
Syncopated love
Taken in stolen seconds
Shared in vain
Bad timing
Syncopated hearts
Loving in moments
Left in pain