Dear Anyone

Sometimes Dear Anyone,
Is the deepest call from your heart.
From the core of your cries it’s deafening,
Anyone. Just anyone. Can Anyone be there?
To feel my pain and comfort the cries?
Sometimes Dear Anyone,
Is the shrillist cry from your heart.
From the syncipated beating of your veins,
Anyone, Just anyone, Can anyone hear my call?
To sooth my horrors and comfort my pains?
Sometimes Dear Anyone,
Is the last resort from your fingers as they fly
Across your keyboards in the guise of “any chance you’re free?”
Anyone. Dear God. Please. Anyone.
Can you call back to me?

Intangible

The mirror shard glistens
Calling to my inner darkness
As a whole, the cause of so many questions
As a part, the subduing of so much pain
The silver shimmers
Calling to my inner darkness
As a whole, it consumes and overwhelms
As a part, it causes distrust and shame
The darkness echoes
Calling to the shard of light
As a whole, it is somehow poetical
As a part, it is somewhat the same
The shard beacons
Calling to something bigger than me
Hoping to make sense of the pain
As a whole, causing friction and anger
As a part, adding clarity – much in vain,
Make it real,
Give it a voice,
Make me feel,
Take away choice,
Use the beauty of the solid silver river
That cuts through falseness like a charm
To reflect the pain that’s intangible
And give me the power over my demons to disarm

Ghost’ed, before

Seeing people who don’t hear you
Fading out as soon as other start to hit their stride
Your heart beat deafening you
With the agony of passing time

Talking with a voice that won’t carry
Dissolving into the air as soon as they’re formed
Lungs as flighty as a hummingbird
When you feel constricted and realisation dawns

Being in places that you don’t fit
Breaking the mould by simply breathing the air
Bones aching to be somewhere known
As you decide that you’re not goin’a care

Something inside you begins to burn bright
As you realise the fear makes you want to take flight
Simultaneously your choice as certain as a storm
Says no more to ghosting, time for a new norm
You take a deep breath feeling ghost’ed like before
To take a minute, call it out… not now, and no more.

Shadow

When the message comes from the shadow
From the antithesis, from your fear,
How do you respond?
How do you fight the tears?

When they’ve taken your voice and your hope
By ignoring the plea and your tears
How do you respond?
And hide your fear?

When they ignored your statement of “no”
By taking what they felt they were owed
How do you respond?
To the shadow gripping your soul?
When they know you were in their control
And you were too scared, you couldn’t just go
How do you respond?

To the shadow that saw ‘yes’ in ‘no’?
When the shadow imposes on your future
When you thought they were in your past
How do you respond?
Was ‘moving on’ too good to last?

When the shadow takes over your mind
The shadow haunts your every breath
How do you respond?
When your predator sends you a text?

When your shadow refuses to hide,
And you’re tearing your heart up inside,
How do you respond
When you have hidden this part of your life?
So this shadow, this vulture, this ghost,
Who you trusted, when you were vulnerable and lost
How do you respond?
When you are fully aware of the cost?

Fear.
Hope.
Loss.

No.

I said no. You chose yes.

And my shadow,
Puts me to the test.

No

When I said no
You heard a challenge
Even though I told you
Of my fear of the damage
When I cried and left
You saw a chance

Even though I told you
That I’m done with this dance

When I said no
With fear, unstable
You abused your power
Knowing I was vulnerable
When I said no
It wasn’t in grey
But somehow feels ambiguous
In the cold light of day
But I was complicit
I also took part

So with shame in my voice
My expression is through art

Silence

A silence so heavy and hollow
It can wrap it’s fingers around your heart
Reaching through the inner shouts
And tormented voices
A silence so thick and empty
It can wrap itself around your mind
Reaching through to highlight the doubts
And question all your choices
The difference between lonely and alone
Is that silence you feel when all voices are gone
It’s that intrinsic belief you will always be one
The isolation is in your bones, as this heart-gripping silence becomes your home

Drifting

Sometimes it’s the small things
The beat
The moment
The suspension of attention
When a screen is more interesting than you
When the laugh is somehow disconnected
The look is skips a beat and no longer lingers
When the fondness is still there but distracted
And those small things
Combined with a name
A glance at the wrong moment
Hold your breath
Feel the kiss
And then the truth

Continue reading “Drifting”

Skip, breathe, leap

There’s a moment, an unquantifiable measure of sound,
of time, of intention and of desire
Where a heart-skip descends into a heart-break
Or a heart-break lifts to a heart-skip; like fire.
Take that ghostly uncertainty by the hand and be found,
in that moment, that heart-beat, that breath
Where first-love descends into love-lost
Or love-lost gives live to new-love; what’s next?

To take chance by the horns, leap into that heart-beat-skip-break
And know that this chance on your secret love, was your chance to take.
Stifled and stilted like your words as you untangle
to make sense of the metaphors by which your muse is strangled.

Continue reading “Skip, breathe, leap”

Silence

A silence so thick, so deafening
I can feel it closing in around my cage
The cage supposing to protect my heart
The silence stifles as I force my breath to engage
A silence too cold, like lightening
I can feel it’s breath taking hold of my heart
The breath supposing to offer a beat of peace
Where my breath stutters, Silence’s breath starts

Out of reach

There’s a moment
In this turbulence
The trepidation as I step up to the crossroads
Where I realise
There’s a disturbance
The fear holds my heart steadfast as it implodes
In that moment
I realise, as my heart splits
There’s this void in myself that can’t be made complete
I’m still in love with you, despite it all
But I simply want to live
Is it too much to ask
Of my heart
To ask of you
Without falling further
Without falling apart

The life I have.

Not on the edge of what’s out of reach