Falling fast

When you get sucked in
You fall too fast…
Not knowing, just grasping at life and tripping into love
Happy and oblivious to the depth
The depth of your feelings, your love
Dependency
Love.
A rush, a lightness, a gleeful intoxication
It crawls under your skin, into your heart
Steadfast
Rock solid grasp
Defiance
Love.

Because I choose

A poem from the point of view of post-break-up, trying to choose to move on.

It would be so easy to hate you
Or the way you make me feel
The way you make it all okay
Whilst my heart breaks
– But I can’t
It would be so helpful to be angry
Or shout and cry out and kneel
The way I forgive you on sight
Whilst my heart breaks
– But it isn’t

Continue reading “Because I choose”

A goodbye, broken

A free-written poem about a journey through a final goodbye to a loved one, as part of a Grand Guignol suite of monologues in poetic and free verse ‘Cabaret of Confessions’
Published on Spillwords in 2016

As she gazes into her eyes can she see the pain,
Will she see the shadows, will she see the shame,
She can see the love, she can see the light,
She can feel the pull, feel her chest coiled tight,
She hopes her heart won’t break as she tears away,
Will she hear it crack and feel her fingertips stray,
As they grasp onto the moment that’s no longer real
As they clutch for hands that can no longer feel.

Lost reaches — brush nothing, her heart begins to flake
Her soul hopes for sleep and the longing lays awake.
Would she really be missed, her mind starts to break
To feel like she belongs, what would it take…

Love like thunder, as light and as fickle as the promises now unspoken.

Continue reading “A goodbye, broken”

The beautiful moment

A poem about finding the beauty and trying to hold onto the positive after a broken heart.
Published on Spillwords 2016

What’s your favourite moment?
The question is often posed,
A recent, beautiful moment,
With hopes and hearts deposed.
And in an instant I can see it,
Feel your body, smell your skin,
Because the beautiful favourite moment,
Is when I end and you begin.

I can still feel my arms around you,
Hear the song as the needle coasts,
The melody, the pedantic cracklings,
The record player contains these Ghosts.

Continue reading “The beautiful moment”

Wallpaper

A poem to illustrate those moments where fading out is a comfort or freedom from anxiety, or when the everyday seems overwhelming

Enticing in its familiarity
Terrifying in its ferocity
Alluring in its predictability
Isolating in its contorted comfort

To tired to fight but a light, a flicker of something keeps her here
Unable to catch enough breath
Unaware of the world beyond her thoughts
Self-centred and alone in the thick darkness and heavy silences

It’s just wallpaper. It’s just an escape.

Continue reading “Wallpaper”

White space

Free-written poetry, survival through moments of depression and the hope of escape as life resumes.

The white-space.
Pain just seemed to happen to her she felt nothing. It was part of the process, part of the cycle,
Just something to endure.
Where words failed and help too distant.
When the fear overwhelms and invades all senses,

Continue reading “White space”

The poem that can’t be written

A poet struggling with the unrequited love of their muse
Published on Spillwords in 2016

And so it starts; the question of the ending begins.

Knowing you can’t love me.
But your arms can hold me home
Knowing you can’t need me
And I can’t bear to be alone…

Omnipresent stuttering holds the pen fast in my grasp
And the juxtaposition of my desire is disillusioned fast.
Tortollogy of my feelings fall fast upon the page
But ink kills the creation – Continue reading “The poem that can’t be written”

One day

A poem about a woman’s letter to her lover who is lost to his worser self and her hope for his return.

Two halves to every story, to sides to every curse,
The hatred or the lies of love, I fear for which is worse.

Held in his arms but locked inside your heart
When I hold my breath you don’t feel so far
In the blink of a heartbeat I hear your voice
Waiting for the moment when it becomes my choice

The cold hands coiled around my own
Could never be warm, or make me feel home
It’s your eyes I want to live in

Continue reading “One day”