Loved

I can feel her hands rest calmly on my shaking shoulders
The tension taking twists and turns under my skin
She softens the swirling subtleties of storms fluttering against my ribs
It’s a weightless warmth working itself into my breath, out and in

Who is she? She is you.

She is comfort, she is compassion, she is caring and she is kind

I can feel her arms reach around my shoulders
Each and every second elongated, encased in her energy
She stifles the screams that scratch and scurry through my blood
In a flicker of fondness, the furnace I’m fighting finally sets me free

Who is she? She is you.

She is a memory, she is a moment, she is magical and she is mine

…But all in all she is a personification of love, of feeling loved mid crisis, each and every time

Thank you, to each of you.

Not okay

It’s not okay to just grab us,
Not okay to wade on in,
To pace and parade across our path,
With hard eyes and a lecherous grin.

It’s not okay to run your hand down our backs,
Not okay to pull our clothes.
To laugh and taunt when we pull away,
With your un-daunted hopes.

It’s not okay to jeer and jaunt,
Not okay to ignore our protests to go.
To keep pushing, grabbing and calling out,
With no regard for our unanimous “no”.

This is a message to the men,
Who do this again and again,
Not a generalisation as a whole or a slight –
To the boys who cause fear,
Whilst we’re frozen over the years,
Feeling powerless to stop this or to fight.

It’s not okay, to protest that clothes provoke this,
Not okay, this obnoxious, invasive abuse;
With this kind of man, being predatory –
Can seem to use gender as an excuse.

It’s not okay, that this is okay.
Not okay that you’re all content with your choices,
To keep imposing your desires on us, as-and-when,
With no consequence, landing us with no voices.

Soundlessness

So unfamiliar with this feeling –

It’s got no name, no colour, no sound,

But it’s under my skin;

Creeping, scratching, gnawing around.

I see the way their entitlement lifts them,

To do what they want with disregard,

The paralysis of the trigger they’ve hit

Without any intent, I’m completely disarmed;

I can’t move to protest,

I can’t speak to alarm.

Without any contact,

Their behaviour causes harm.

I think that it’s anger;

This scratching that gnaws –

At; myself, my past,

At; the trigger and the cause.

At; how dare they do what they please,

With our stuff, with our presence, even with our bodies.

At; how easy it is for them to parade, un challenged,

As the people who fear them are looped in their damage.

At; them assuming control and laughing in its wake,

And all I can do is sit, my mind racing as I shake.

I can see what might happen,

Which is shaped by my past –

My ghost is gone, yet omnipresent –

How long will this last?

My words have no power,

My voice has no weight,

Thinking I had a handle on this,

Was a fundamental mistake.

But above all I’m lost;

In the fact I can’t feel –

Yet this nameless, colourless, soundlessness…

Is overwhelmingly real.

Intangible

The mirror shard glistens
Calling to my inner darkness
As a whole, the cause of so many questions
As a part, the subduing of so much pain
The silver shimmers
Calling to my inner darkness
As a whole, it consumes and overwhelms
As a part, it causes distrust and shame
The darkness echoes
Calling to the shard of light
As a whole, it is somehow poetical
As a part, it is somewhat the same
The shard beacons
Calling to something bigger than me
Hoping to make sense of the pain
As a whole, causing friction and anger
As a part, adding clarity – much in vain,
Make it real,
Give it a voice,
Make me feel,
Take away choice,
Use the beauty of the solid silver river
That cuts through falseness like a charm
To reflect the pain that’s intangible
And give me the power over my demons to disarm

Ghost’ed, before

Seeing people who don’t hear you
Fading out as soon as other start to hit their stride
Your heart beat deafening you
With the agony of passing time

Talking with a voice that won’t carry
Dissolving into the air as soon as they’re formed
Lungs as flighty as a hummingbird
When you feel constricted and realisation dawns

Being in places that you don’t fit
Breaking the mould by simply breathing the air
Bones aching to be somewhere known
As you decide that you’re not goin’a care

Something inside you begins to burn bright
As you realise the fear makes you want to take flight
Simultaneously your choice as certain as a storm
Says no more to ghosting, time for a new norm
You take a deep breath feeling ghost’ed like before
To take a minute, call it out… not now, and no more.

Shadow

When the message comes from the shadow
From the antithesis, from your fear,
How do you respond?
How do you fight the tears?

When they’ve taken your voice and your hope
By ignoring the plea and your tears
How do you respond?
And hide your fear?

When they ignored your statement of “no”
By taking what they felt they were owed
How do you respond?
To the shadow gripping your soul?
When they know you were in their control
And you were too scared, you couldn’t just go
How do you respond?

To the shadow that saw ‘yes’ in ‘no’?
When the shadow imposes on your future
When you thought they were in your past
How do you respond?
Was ‘moving on’ too good to last?

When the shadow takes over your mind
The shadow haunts your every breath
How do you respond?
When your predator sends you a text?

When your shadow refuses to hide,
And you’re tearing your heart up inside,
How do you respond
When you have hidden this part of your life?
So this shadow, this vulture, this ghost,
Who you trusted, when you were vulnerable and lost
How do you respond?
When you are fully aware of the cost?

Fear.
Hope.
Loss.

No.

I said no. You chose yes.

And my shadow,
Puts me to the test.

No

When I said no
You heard a challenge
Even though I told you
Of my fear of the damage
When I cried and left
You saw a chance

Even though I told you
That I’m done with this dance

When I said no
With fear, unstable
You abused your power
Knowing I was vulnerable
When I said no
It wasn’t in grey
But somehow feels ambiguous
In the cold light of day
But I was complicit
I also took part

So with shame in my voice
My expression is through art

Design article link

Meisner’s approach to design written by Jo Hopkins

“Meisner’s approach is a technique which champions a ‘free-writing’ style of exploration…”

https://t.co/pZ0vOSNAw0
Whether you’re blitzing through sketches of interface interactions or hastily scribbling voice interactions for an ambient device, see if the Meisner approach can help you iterate initial thoughts faster and explore more, or even new, possibilities.

Silence

A silence so heavy and hollow
It can wrap it’s fingers around your heart
Reaching through the inner shouts
And tormented voices
A silence so thick and empty
It can wrap itself around your mind
Reaching through to highlight the doubts
And question all your choices
The difference between lonely and alone
Is that silence you feel when all voices are gone
It’s that intrinsic belief you will always be one
The isolation is in your bones, as this heart-gripping silence becomes your home

Skip, breathe, leap

There’s a moment, an unquantifiable measure of sound,
of time, of intention and of desire
Where a heart-skip descends into a heart-break
Or a heart-break lifts to a heart-skip; like fire.
Take that ghostly uncertainty by the hand and be found,
in that moment, that heart-beat, that breath
Where first-love descends into love-lost
Or love-lost gives live to new-love; what’s next?

To take chance by the horns, leap into that heart-beat-skip-break
And know that this chance on your secret love, was your chance to take.
Stifled and stilted like your words as you untangle
to make sense of the metaphors by which your muse is strangled.

Continue reading “Skip, breathe, leap”