Rain, reflected

The rain thunders lightly on the floor,

With each tap-thud-drip my heart sinks some more

The greyness and the thunder

Like the beast inside my chest

Pulling at the fractured shards

Never stopping, he’ll never rest

The rain reflects the light in each falling gem

Like the flicker in my heart that I’ll be whole once again

The dancing of the light

Like the sprite inside my mind

Holding onto the smallest glimmer

Knowing it will pass in time

The rain runs and runs, pouring across the scene

Like the cascading fear and tears I choke-back; not to be seen

The lightening startles, it cuts

Like your words through my facade

Intricate, beautiful but broken

Why do I let down my guard

The rain thunders, reflects and runs, like a river to a stream

I’m saddened by how much it still hurts that you could be so false with me

Waiting

The stories that spin
Weaving, woven, wondering and repeat

In the waiting in the silent din
Whispers, words, wanting in defeat

The habit of time
Passing, pushing, parting and repeat

With each tentative step of mine
Tripping, treading, turning in defeat

Waiting for… What am I waiting for…
Wandering, what I’m watching and waiting for…
A life from the sidelines… a glimpse from outside
A wallpapered retreat is all I can find

Motivation required
Floating, falling, finding and again

To push through what’s mired
Gripping, grasping, grappling in vain

The habit of time
Skipping, spinning, slowing in vain

Each torturing thought I find
Weaving, wondering, whirling and again

Waiting for… What am I waiting for…
Wandering, what I’m watching and waiting for…
A life from the sidelines… a glimpse from outside
A wallpapered retreat..? I’ll pass this time

A Chance

It’s been hard to take, and hold two things as one
Understanding that I’m hurt, yet my feelings for you are gone
Not forgotten, not dead, not nothing,
Just not breaking and twisting and turning.

How can that be, that these two are okay,
That it hurts like nothing else, that I lost you in that way
That I care, that I miss, that I cry
But for the past, for hope, for what’s denied

It made no sense, and for so long I fought
The pain meant I still loved you, or so I had thought
And I do, and I did, and I don’t as I did
This new equilibrium means both can live

I still care, I still cry,
I still hold on to the lie
But to be hurt, be lost, but not alone
I can now reclaim my heart as home

Good luck with your love, and I wish you both well
For the time that’s elapsed has had my heart in hell
But knowing they’re separate, the pain and the past
Means we have a chance of healing, for both of us – a chance

Careless

Drawing it out
With each passing day
I’m hurting in my heart
As you push me away
So much is unspoken
In the year that has passed
Storytelling in silence
To make the hope last

I don’t want to play games
Or hurt you in turn
I only wish you were careful
If only you could learn
That each mention of her name
And each nod to the past
Just keep reviving my pain
It overwhelmingly lasts

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