Because I choose

A poem from the point of view of post-break-up, trying to choose to move on.

It would be so easy to hate you
Or the way you make me feel
The way you make it all okay
Whilst my heart breaks
– But I can’t
It would be so helpful to be angry
Or shout and cry out and kneel
The way I forgive you on sight
Whilst my heart breaks
– But it isn’t

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A goodbye, broken

A free-written poem about a journey through a final goodbye to a loved one, as part of a Grand Guignol suite of monologues in poetic and free verse ‘Cabaret of Confessions’
Published on Spillwords in 2016

As she gazes into her eyes can she see the pain,
Will she see the shadows, will she see the shame,
She can see the love, she can see the light,
She can feel the pull, feel her chest coiled tight,
She hopes her heart won’t break as she tears away,
Will she hear it crack and feel her fingertips stray,
As they grasp onto the moment that’s no longer real
As they clutch for hands that can no longer feel.

Lost reaches — brush nothing, her heart begins to flake
Her soul hopes for sleep and the longing lays awake.
Would she really be missed, her mind starts to break
To feel like she belongs, what would it take…

Love like thunder, as light and as fickle as the promises now unspoken.

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The beautiful moment

A poem about finding the beauty and trying to hold onto the positive after a broken heart.
Published on Spillwords 2016

What’s your favourite moment?
The question is often posed,
A recent, beautiful moment,
With hopes and hearts deposed.
And in an instant I can see it,
Feel your body, smell your skin,
Because the beautiful favourite moment,
Is when I end and you begin.

I can still feel my arms around you,
Hear the song as the needle coasts,
The melody, the pedantic cracklings,
The record player contains these Ghosts.

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Wallpaper

A poem to illustrate those moments where fading out is a comfort or freedom from anxiety, or when the everyday seems overwhelming

Enticing in its familiarity
Terrifying in its ferocity
Alluring in its predictability
Isolating in its contorted comfort

To tired to fight but a light, a flicker of something keeps her here
Unable to catch enough breath
Unaware of the world beyond her thoughts
Self-centred and alone in the thick darkness and heavy silences

It’s just wallpaper. It’s just an escape.

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Wordsmith

A monologue, the free writing poetical ramblings of a writer struggling with their relationship with their words; the tools of their survival.

Words, words, words;

Escaping the definition of interpretation of the everyday, the mundane and the monotonous,
Trying to break the multi-syllabic montage of the necessity to understand
Without words, actions would have little meaning,
So how can actions speak louder than words?

Words, words, words;
Semantic scribbling a with semantic hypnosis.
A desire.
A drive.
A need to know and to interpret,
And a loathing in anticipation of our failure to success.
The loathing is only so because it’s labelled this way,
The action which is t one loathed is only so because we are to fulfil this anthropomorphic scripture,
Which — once spoken — becomes a feeling or the need to feel.
If the written word is so powerful and the actions it defines, destroys and disembowelled, so terrible,
Then the spoken work seeks only to justify, to establish a balance and to nullify the impact.
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Take a moment

Take a moment, take a breath
In a world where a pause seems eternal
Hold tight to the moment of choice
That moment it yours

Take a moment
A breath
Remember it’s real
And what will be left
There is value for you
Just hold on
Easy for me to say
I know.
I Love you.

Hope

When your words form silence
And your presence is absent
The volume of your intentions is deafening
Then your words form hope
And your heart takes a moment
The corner to turn is approaching

White space

Free-written poetry, survival through moments of depression and the hope of escape as life resumes.

The white-space.
Pain just seemed to happen to her she felt nothing. It was part of the process, part of the cycle,
Just something to endure.
Where words failed and help too distant.
When the fear overwhelms and invades all senses,

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Symphony

Your voice; a symphony
You stole a chord
When you disappeared
There’s a gap in music
Syncopated heartbreak
Underscoring you
Rhythm like rain
Melody like moonlight
Holding onto hope
Love & laughter so light
But tears in tornadoes
Our symphony
Our fight