No

When I said no

You heard a challenge

Even though I told you

Of my fear of the damage

When I cried and left

You saw a chance

Even though I told you

That I’m done with this dance

When I said no

With fear, unstable

You abused your power

Knowing I was vulnerable

When I said no

It wasn’t in grey

But somehow feels ambiguous

In the cold light of day

But I was complicit

I also took part

So with shame in my voice

My expression is through art

Silence

A silence so heavy and hollow

It can wrap it’s fingers around your heart

Reaching through the inner shouts

And tormented voices

A silence so thick and empty

It can wrap itself around your mind

Reaching through to highlight the doubts

And question all your choices

The difference between lonely and alone

Is that silence you feel when all voices are gone

It’s that intrinsic belief you will always be one

The isolation is in your bones, as this heart-gripping silence becomes your home

Out of reach

There’s a moment

In this turbulence

The trepidation as I step up to the crossroads

Where I realise

There’s a disturbance

The fear holds my heart steadfast as it implodes

In that moment

I realise, as my heart splits

There’s this void in myself that can’t be made complete

I’m still in love with you, despite it all

But I simply want to live

Is it too much to ask

Of my heart

To ask of you

Without falling further

Without falling apart

The life I have.

Not on the edge of what’s out of reach

Rain, reflected

The rain thunders lightly on the floor,

With each tap-thud-drip my heart sinks some more

The greyness and the thunder

Like the beast inside my chest

Pulling at the fractured shards

Never stopping, he’ll never rest

The rain reflects the light in each falling gem

Like the flicker in my heart that I’ll be whole once again

The dancing of the light

Like the sprite inside my mind

Holding onto the smallest glimmer

Knowing it will pass in time

The rain runs and runs, pouring across the scene

Like the cascading fear and tears I choke-back; not to be seen

The lightening startles, it cuts

Like your words through my facade

Intricate, beautiful but broken

Why do I let down my guard

The rain thunders, reflects and runs, like a river to a stream

I’m saddened by how much it still hurts that you could be so false with me