No

When I said no
You heard a challenge
Even though I told you
Of my fear of the damage
When I cried and left
You saw a chance

Even though I told you
That I’m done with this dance

When I said no
With fear, unstable
You abused your power
Knowing I was vulnerable
When I said no
It wasn’t in grey
But somehow feels ambiguous
In the cold light of day
But I was complicit
I also took part

So with shame in my voice
My expression is through art

Silence

A silence so heavy and hollow
It can wrap it’s fingers around your heart
Reaching through the inner shouts
And tormented voices
A silence so thick and empty
It can wrap itself around your mind
Reaching through to highlight the doubts
And question all your choices
The difference between lonely and alone
Is that silence you feel when all voices are gone
It’s that intrinsic belief you will always be one
The isolation is in your bones, as this heart-gripping silence becomes your home

Out of reach

There’s a moment
In this turbulence
The trepidation as I step up to the crossroads
Where I realise
There’s a disturbance
The fear holds my heart steadfast as it implodes
In that moment
I realise, as my heart splits
There’s this void in myself that can’t be made complete
I’m still in love with you, despite it all
But I simply want to live
Is it too much to ask
Of my heart
To ask of you
Without falling further
Without falling apart

The life I have.

Not on the edge of what’s out of reach

Rain, reflected

The rain thunders lightly on the floor,
With each tap-thud-drip my heart sinks some more
The greyness and the thunder
Like the beast inside my chest
Pulling at the fractured shards
Never stopping, he’ll never rest
The rain reflects the light in each falling gem
Like the flicker in my heart that I’ll be whole once again
The dancing of the light
Like the sprite inside my mind
Holding onto the smallest glimmer
Knowing it will pass in time
The rain runs and runs, pouring across the scene
Like the cascading fear and tears I choke-back; not to be seen
The lightening startles, it cuts
Like your words through my facade
Intricate, beautiful but broken
Why do I let down my guard
The rain thunders, reflects and runs, like a river to a stream
I’m saddened by how much it still hurts that you could be so false with me

Fix

I didn’t want you to fix me

I just wanted you 

You held my hand through the initial storm

Then far away your heart flew 

I didn’t need you to mend 

My tortured mind and fractured heart

I just wanted to be greeted with your smile 

And devinity at each day’s start