2016; a year of swings and roundabouts, as they say. This is just a post to tell a bit of my story of living with anxiety and depression. It’s not me dwelling (and I hope it doesn’t come across that way) I’ve chosen to do this because I’ve found it so comforting at times to read and/or hear other people’s and have a flicker of hope knowing I’m really not alone in this. I want to repay these people’s kindness in sharing their stories by sharing with my own, as a sort of pay it forward… *deep breath*
Firstly I want to wish you all the very best for the next year and your future in general. I hope 2017 is a beauty for you in whatever form that takes.
So here goes…
Continue reading “Happy New Year, survival, paying it forward and a hello to 2017”
A quick bit of free writing falling its way onto my tiny phone keys as I travel
Somedays she feels lost
Sometimes she feels completely secure
Somedays there’s a cost
Somehow she will always endure
Some may see her and say she has less
Some are unaware how their thoughts oppress
She sometimes has no shadow
Some days she has no sense of being
She sometimes has no echo
Sometimes she has no way of seeing
Some may see this as a lesser thing
Some are unaware how her heart and mind sing
She feels so acutely, empathy is her curse
She can also feel nothing, nothing can be worse
More richness, more fear, more darkness, more light
More empathy, more despair but most of all more fight.
Just an image that came to me when listening to Nightwish ‘Meadows of heaven’ and a poem that followed.
Heartbreak cascaded through her,
She saw it
Black as night
Was it just in her reflection?
It was, she was sure,
She wipes her eyes
Her hands tremble
As if her tears, tore through her,
And leaving ghosts
For all to see,
Or just for me?
A sketch Inspired by some meat loaf lyrics: ‘In your arms I think I’ve found the safest place to fall’
Sometimes there are moments
Where you feel you’re free falling, fast or slow,
Sometimes in those moments
You find a new hand that you can hold.
When you feel the most invisible
Feel absent, lost or disengaged,
In your disconnected haze you find
Comfort, unexpected, in a heart once estranged;
It’s like a new breath –
It’s like a jolt, like a flicker –
Something to keep holding on for,
As the fears and shadows wither.
This is quite what you might call a ‘raw’ poem about depression, As a woman loves, waits and holds on to her Partner through a tough day.
Published on Spillwords December 2016
So she sits.
We sit, together – but apart.
She waits and wonders if things will change.
Her disengagement from the world humble and acquiescent.
At peace with the turbulent thoughts that she stumbles through.
There is no time left to wonder or wander through time.
The heat of the passion which no longer burns was matched only by the furnace of ferocious fears which tore her apart inside.
We had waited. I always waited.
Waited, unaware of the pain she was in.
Continue reading “So she sits”