No

When I said no
You heard a challenge
Even though I told you
Of my fear of the damage
When I cried and left
You saw a chance

Even though I told you
That I’m done with this dance

When I said no
With fear, unstable
You abused your power
Knowing I was vulnerable
When I said no
It wasn’t in grey
But somehow feels ambiguous
In the cold light of day
But I was complicit
I also took part

So with shame in my voice
My expression is through art

Drifting

Sometimes it’s the small things
The beat
The moment
The suspension of attention
When a screen is more interesting than you
When the laugh is somehow disconnected
The look is skips a beat and no longer lingers
When the fondness is still there but distracted
And those small things
Combined with a name
A glance at the wrong moment
Hold your breath
Feel the kiss
And then the truth

Continue reading “Drifting”

Dear J Doe

Dear unknown, my John or Jane doe

So it’s been a short while since I wrote, 

Anything.

A poem, a micro poem or even a rhyming couplet. 

I’ve been back under a cloud, sad to say it’s been a dark week or so, 
I want to get back out of the rut. So I’m writing this. 

A letter into the abyss 

Of online semantical depths of a potential echo. 
They say to write what you know, 

What’s true to you, say it as so. 

But sometimes that’s not something anyone would want to read. 

I always try to write for ‘another me’ to pay it forward 

To those who may take comfort that they are not alone,

Or just because I see, feel or hear something poetical. 

Self indulgent really, to a point. 
I hope to be back in my stride soon 

But to write what I know 

Write and feel what I feel 

Can sometimes feel 

More 

More precarious 

Than keeping it bottled up inside. 

So, dear John, the John Doe – or Jane, 

What’s in a name? 
I hope you’ll take my silence as read. 

I want to believe it’s a strength, 

Protecting those to whom some of my demons are tethered, 

In some vein hope I can retain a sense of hope. 
Hope, my current endeavour. 
I’ll be back on scribbles, 

I’ll be drawing and sketching again.
But for now my heart and mind need protection 

From my passionate desire and dark passengers

Who haunt me

Taunt me.
This letter is a declaration of hope. 

A shout to those on the edge of despair, 

Join me on the brink of somethingness, 

A defiant gesture to the ghosts and apprehension 

That haunt. 

And taunt.

So… I –

I thank you for reading, 

Dear John and/or Jane,

And I hope to be with you, 

Be back, 

Living.

Again.

Sincerely,

Doe

Thanks for your ongoing support folks, much appreciated,

Be well and stay strong, 

Josie xx

So they say

It will all get better in time

It’s helpful, it will heal

It will all get better in time 

So they say, but time steals

It will give to solace and peace

Give you hope, give you distance

It is healthy to mourn and grieve

So they say, they’re persistent
It will all become your past

Make you stronger hereafter

Build you up, thicken skin

So they say, build character 

It will give you space, give you peace

To make you grateful and greater

Turn your hurt from hate, tears to joy

So they say, a hope creater
You’re better off now

Without them, without circumstance

Without knowing, without love

So they say, dancing the dance

You’re far better off

Without that in your life

Without the joy? Without the comfort?

So they say, but I’ll not buy it
You’ll be happier without them

They were never right for you, we knew

You deserve better any way

So they say, to me, about you

So much happier without them

You were worth so much more

Get them out of your system, altogether 

So they say, but my heart ignores
Time heals

So they say

It’s just your past

So they say

You’re better off without

So they say

You’ll be happier

So they say
But time won’t heal 

My hear won’t fix 

The past is always present

And this new ‘happier’ is a trick

So they say

So they say

As they always do

But I’ll never wish you into my past

Yet I hope to be happy without you