Josie Dee – Scribbles of an insomniac
Sketches, scribbles and scripts
It was just bad timing
As you always said it was
When we fell, when we met
When you left, I was bereft
It was just bad timing
As you always knew it was
When we kissed, when we fell
When I lost myself, heartbroken hell
Bad timing
Syncopated love
Taken in stolen seconds
Shared in vain
Bad timing
Syncopated hearts
Loving in moments
Left in pain
Sometimes the desire to run
Takes over from everything you love
The job, the family, the friends you have
will be lost, unforgotten, loved and yet, gone
As you acknowledge their kindness
But fail to see, how settled in their love
You can ever truly be
I want to run
I want to escape
Because the love I had
Won’t ever really be
The life I thought
Not the life I knew
Will my heart ever be
Truly free of you?
I can’t not love you
Just because
They say it’s better in the long run
I can’t not feel comfort
In your smile
Just because our future’s gone
I can’t not feel empty
I remember it’s gone
Just because you’ve moved on
I can’t not love you
Just because
I say it’s easier now that you’re gone
I can move on
Whilst I still love you
I can hold the conflict as I run
I can’t unlove you
I don’t want to
Just because your love has gone
I can’t unfeel or unsee
Everything good you were to me
I know that’s better in the long run
“She’s got a heart of Gold”
They say through their smiles
“She’s got such a good heart”
They say, delighted, in denial
For it’s what they don’t see
That makes it truly shine
It’s the shadows she keeps hidden
That make her kindness devine
For the fractures and splinters
Of that self-same heart of Gold
And the kindness and empathy
Of which is always told
“She’s got such a pure kindness”
They say on a whim
“Always thinking of others”
Never looking within
But it’s the shadows and darkness
Of such depth and dispair
A cadaverous heart-ache
That never reaches the air
Her hands always reach out
As her smiles do to her eyes
A mere cloak for an emptiness
That all her efforts must abide
But her heart of Gold
And the delight seen by others
Takes a little of the sting
Out of the darkness uncovered
She truly does care
It’s a prophecy to fulfill
Her heart of Gold
Can help keep her thoughts still
So a thank you to all
Who encourage her so
Your perception of her Golden heart
Is a cornerstone of her hope
The courage that you give her
And the hope that you may steer
Help to bring light into her eyes
And dullness to her fear
When dust dances
In the morning beams
Landing on your frozen smile
I’m grateful I knew you
And we made our time
Worthwhile
Whilst I still have to see you
Every day
Every moment
Will keep you
A
Ghost
To
Me
Of what we were
The happiness
We
Had
And how
You let me
Feel
Good enough
Thanks
For taking that away
Too
My heart
My hope
My love
My self worth
And my delight
I loved you
Worse
You let me
F
A
L
L
In
Love
With you
I forgive your heart
But
I won’t
Forget
How you
Let me
Feel,
As surely
As
You
Let me
F
A
L
L
.
I was always real
Always full
Always
Wholeheartedly
Yours.
Yours,
Faithfully,
Sweetheart.
But life
As they say
Goes
On…
Your smile;
Greets me,
Your eyes;
Meet mine,
When you’re here;
I know I’ll be fine,
Your eyes;
Like sapphires,
Your skin;
Like porcelain,
You make my world;
Light up again.
Your eyes;
So alive,
Your mouth;
Devine,
You make me;
Feel free from time,
You’re here,
In my world;
When you laugh;
Your fingers curl,
Around my own,
You’re in my world.
I’m a promise, an apology, a gift and a hope
Desired with bold colours, I reach towards the light
Helping to hide tears, hoping I find a true smile,
A beautiful, intoxicatingly simple delight
Accompanied frequently with a stroke of a pen
And embellished and glorified by ribbon & prose
I’m his tribute, his gesture, his hope and his love
I’m a glimpse of forgiveness, requited true love,
I am the rose, his rose
Your Rose
My heart waits for unrequitedness
And then my speech is free
My mind tells me I’m safe to feel
When hearts no longer feel for me
It’s a pattern of behaviour
And a rhythm I can’t break
It’s my heart and head I battle
Then my confession comes too late
I’ve loved and lost before
I’ve always wanted to resolve
I’ve never understood myself,
Or how my head and heart revolve,
It’s my fault, my selfish stuttering, my emotion – I’ve denied
When you asked me and you held me
My mouth shut me away and lied
Katerina:
O’he knows not how I need not to love,
How I need not no man to take my heart in his.
They lack the tact and empathetic sentiment
To truly care for or woo such a tender soul that of a woman,
Their hearts and minds are all but rough in their thinking,
looking to prove and impress, to compete and to win
They fight and duel for love, they do not relish and enjoy it.
I will enjoy, I will relish, I will exploit my empathetic soul
And I will fight to meet my match, may no man derive any other means
Nor challenge me, for though I love like a woman
I can fight like a man for that love.
My bitterness is but a veil to infuriate the subjective nature of my father’s love,
He, above all men, proves that beauty is more to a man than spirit,
My spirit is as much-mellow as he desires but shall not appear so
Until one worthy of such vulnerability is near to my heart.
My father loves my sister for her simplicity, her beauty and her flirtatious manner,
She draws in money, attention and bewilderments
Which can only benefit him and his purpose,
I on the other hand… disappoint. But soft, here comes my sister.
