Shadow

When the message comes from the shadows

From the antithesis, from your fear,

How do you respond?

How do you fight the tears?

When they’ve taken your voice and your hope

By ignoring the plea and your tears

How do you respond?

And hide your fear?

When they ignored your statement of “no”

By taking what they felt they were owed

How do you respond?

To the shadow gripping your soul?

When they know you were in their control

And you were too scared, you couldn’t just go

How do you respond?

To the shadow that saw ‘yes’ in ‘no’?

When the shadow imposes on your future

When you thought they were in your past

How do you respond?

Was ‘moving on’ too good to last?

When the shadow takes over your mind

The shadow haunts your every breath

How do you respond?

When your predator sends you a text?

When your shadow refuses to hide,

And you’re tearing your heart up inside,

How do you respond?

When you have hidden this part of your life?

So this shadow, this vulture, this ghost,

Who you trusted, when you were vulnerable and lost

How do you respond?

When you are fully aware of the cost?

Fear.

Hope.

Loss.

No.

I said no.

You heard yes.

And my shadow,

Puts me to the test.

Skip, breathe, leap

There’s a moment, an unquantifiable measure of sound,
of time, of intention and of desire
Where a heart-skip descends into a heart-break
Or a heart-break lifts to a heart-skip; like fire.
Take that ghostly uncertainty by the hand and be found,
in that moment, that heart-beat, that breath
Where first-love descends into love-lost
Or love-lost gives live to new-love; what’s next?

To take chance by the horns, leap into that heart-beat-skip-break
And know that this chance on your secret love, was your chance to take.
Stifled and stilted like your words as you untangle
to make sense of the metaphors by which your muse is strangled.

Take a leap into the unknown, it’s necessarily to risk,
in that second, that baited-breath; to love?
Where doubt and second chances, intertwine and dance
Or they part like stifled-breath with relief; is it enough?

Take a moment, by the hand and a leap into ‘unkown’
With baited-breath your heard skips; in a beat, in love but unshown,
Where the moments and memories collide in your head
And your eyes lock again with a history unsaid

You say “I still love you”
My thought; Requited.

You say “I miss you”
My thought; Decided.

Bad timing

It was just bad timing
As you always said it was
When we fell, when we met
When you left, I was bereft

It was just bad timing
As you always knew it was
When we kissed, when we fell
When I lost myself, heartbroken hell

Bad timing
Syncopated love
Taken in stolen seconds
Shared in vain
Bad timing
Syncopated hearts
Loving in moments
Left in pain

It was just bad timing
As you always saw it was
When you held me, when we cared
When we were broken, and scared

It was just bad timing
As I always knew it could be
When you said you could fall in love
And I was too scared to say the truth

Bad timing
Syncopated love
Taken in stolen seconds
Shared in vain
Bad timing
Syncopated hearts
Loving in moments
Left in pain

It was just bad timing
As I always feard it was
When I head you’d met someone else
And I was too deluded to tell

It was just bad timing
We both knew it all along
When we fell, into and out of
Whatever we had, it was never enough

Bad timing
Syncopated love
Taken in stolen seconds
Shared in vain
Bad timing
Syncopated hearts
Loving in moments
Left in pain

A Chance

It’s been hard to take, and hold two things as one
Understanding that I’m hurt, yet my feelings for you are gone
Not forgotten, not dead, not nothing,
Just not breaking and twisting and turning.

How can that be, that these two are okay,
That it hurts like nothing else, that I lost you in that way
That I care, that I miss, that I cry
But for the past, for hope, for what’s denied

It made no sense, and for so long I fought
The pain meant I still loved you, or so I had thought
And I do, and I did, and I don’t as I did
This new equilibrium means both can live

I still care, I still cry,
I still hold on to the lie
But to be hurt, be lost, but not alone
I can now reclaim my heart as home

Good luck with your love, and I wish you both well
For the time that’s elapsed has had my heart in hell
But knowing they’re separate, the pain and the past
Means we have a chance of healing, for both of us – a chance

Careless

Drawing it out
With each passing day
I’m hurting in my heart
As you push me away
So much is unspoken
In the year that has passed
Storytelling in silence
To make the hope last

I don’t want to play games
Or hurt you in turn
I only wish you were careful
If only you could learn
That each mention of her name
And each nod to the past
Just keep reviving my pain
It overwhelmingly lasts

Continue reading

Not done yet

It’s been a while since I put pen to page
Fighting the darkness on each step of the way
I’m making ground and I’m forging on
I’m feeling a heaviness but I’m willing it gone
I don’t want to give in to the relentless hours
But I can feel it pulling, swallowing desires
Taking my passions one pen stroke at a time
Telling me I’m not good enough, I must still try
I have been doing better with each passing week
But will take a little while longer getting back to my feet
Hiding it from those I love – admitting I’m lost, it’s easy to forget
The times I’ve come trough this… I’m not done yet

Morning light 

Waking up with a lightness in my mind,
As I realise it’s only a matter of time.
The sunlight breaks through the cracks,
Seeking, tripping, pouring a delightful attack
On darkness, it slices and tumbles in a dance.
A complimentary juxtaposition, cutting silence,
The dust swims between these realms,
Like their dreams are fighting fears at the helm –
Jutting, falling landing on my skin,
Their ferocious fragility echoes within.
A touch you can see but not feel with any weight
But the comforting warmth of the beams, that I break
With my hands, as they tango in light with the dust,
Reminds me beauty is there – if you look hard enough.

Contrast

When I can see the sun
But not feel it on my skin
When I can hear the music
And my heart won’t tune in
When I see your eyes alight
But the tenderness is gone
When I’m taking strides
Pretending to be strong
In it there’s despair as black as the night
But in me there’s one last flicker, one last fight

Didn’t you know?

Didn’t anyone tell you?
She’s gone, the girl you knew
I’m an illusion of what you saw
Helping to carry her through
Through the “good morning!”
The daily jibes and jokes fly
The facade and feverish delightedness
Until I carry her home to cry

Didn’t anyone tell you?
She’s not sleeping, not laughing
I’m keeping her together now
She’s too vulnerable, a fragile thing
She’s still captivated by your lies
Lead through a dance by your games
I’m desperately keeping her hidden
In the hope she’ll return one day

Didn’t anyone tell you?
How you broke her heart, didn’t she?
Too afraid you’d laugh and shrug
She didn’t because she’s not me
So that’s why I’m here, finding my way
Through her ferocious white fear
Taking hold of her shattered heart
So that all you see is one tear

Didn’t anyone tell you?
How she’s an echo, tethered to despair
Whilst I’m hunting for hope in her heart
She falters, flinches at each glare
With a heavy heart I begin again each day
But with each day I’m more strong
Because I can see she’s not totally lost
I can see she’s still holding on

Crash

Hitting reality with a crash

When I’m reminded how you don’t want me 

After a week of chatter from over seas

Your hot-and-cold returns, my heart re-breaks and my hopes flee 

Thanks for the hope

And thanks for the intoxicating charm

And thanks for the cold hard truth

As the floor falls away, I’m suddenly disarmed