Morning light 

Waking up with a lightness in my mind,

As I realise it’s only a matter of time.

The sunlight breaks through the cracks,

Seeking, tripping, pouring a delightful attack

On darkness, it slices and tumbles in a dance.

A complimentary juxtaposition, cutting silence,

The dust swims between these realms,

Like their dreams are fighting fears at the helm – 

Jutting, falling landing on my skin,

Their ferocious fragility echoes within.

A touch you can see but not feel with any weight

But the comforting warmth of the beams, that I break

With my hands, as they tango in light with the dust,

Reminds me beauty is there – if you look hard enough.

Contrast

When I can see the sun
But not feel it on my skin
When I can hear the music
And my heart won’t tune in
When I see your eyes alight
But the tenderness is gone
When I’m taking strides
Pretending to be strong
In it there’s despair as black as the night
But in me there’s one last flicker, one last fight

Didn’t you know?

Didn’t anyone tell you?
She’s gone, the girl you knew
I’m an illusion of what you saw
Helping to carry her through
Through the “good morning!”
The daily jibes and jokes fly
The facade and feverish delightedness
Until I carry her home to cry

Didn’t anyone tell you?
She’s not sleeping, not laughing
I’m keeping her together now
She’s too vulnerable, a fragile thing
She’s still captivated by your lies
Lead through a dance by your games
I’m desperately keeping her hidden
In the hope she’ll return one day

Didn’t anyone tell you?
How you broke her heart, didn’t she?
Too afraid you’d laugh and shrug
She didn’t because she’s not me
So that’s why I’m here, finding my way
Through her ferocious white fear
Taking hold of her shattered heart
So that all you see is one tear

Didn’t anyone tell you?
How she’s an echo, tethered to despair
Whilst I’m hunting for hope in her heart
She falters, flinches at each glare
With a heavy heart I begin again each day
But with each day I’m more strong
Because I can see she’s not totally lost
I can see she’s still holding on

Crash

Hitting reality with a crash

When I’m reminded how you don’t want me 

After a week of chatter from over seas

Your hot-and-cold returns, my heart re-breaks and my hopes flee 

Thanks for the hope

And thanks for the intoxicating charm

And thanks for the cold hard truth

As the floor falls away, I’m suddenly disarmed

Dear J Doe

Dear unknown, my John or Jane doe

So it’s been a short while since I wrote, 

Anything.

A poem, a micro poem or even a rhyming couplet. 

I’ve been back under a cloud, sad to say it’s been a dark week or so, 
I want to get back out of the rut. So I’m writing this. 

A letter into the abyss 

Of online semantical depths of a potential echo. 
They say to write what you know, 

What’s true to you, say it as so. 

But sometimes that’s not something anyone would want to read. 

I always try to write for ‘another me’ to pay it forward 

To those who may take comfort that they are not alone,

Or just because I see, feel or hear something poetical. 

Self indulgent really, to a point. 
I hope to be back in my stride soon 

But to write what I know 

Write and feel what I feel 

Can sometimes feel 

More 

More precarious 

Than keeping it bottled up inside. 

So, dear John, the John Doe – or Jane, 

What’s in a name? 
I hope you’ll take my silence as read. 

I want to believe it’s a strength, 

Protecting those to whom some of my demons are tethered, 

In some vein hope I can retain a sense of hope. 
Hope, my current endeavour. 
I’ll be back on scribbles, 

I’ll be drawing and sketching again.
But for now my heart and mind need protection 

From my passionate desire and dark passengers

Who haunt me

Taunt me.
This letter is a declaration of hope. 

A shout to those on the edge of despair, 

Join me on the brink of somethingness, 

A defiant gesture to the ghosts and apprehension 

That haunt. 

And taunt.

So… I –

I thank you for reading, 

Dear John and/or Jane,

And I hope to be with you, 

Be back, 

Living.

Again.

Sincerely,

Doe

Thanks for your ongoing support folks, much appreciated,

Be well and stay strong, 

Josie xx

Double negative

I can’t not love you

Just because 

They say it’s better in the long run

I can’t not feel comfort

In your smile

Just because our future’s gone 

I can’t not feel empty 

I remember it’s gone

Just because you’ve moved on

I can’t not love you

Just because 

I say it’s easier now that you’re gone

I can move on 

Whilst I still love you 

I can hold the conflict as I run

I can’t unlove you

I don’t want to

Just because your love has gone 

I can’t unfeel or unsee

Everything good you were to me

I know that’s better in the long run

Heart of Gold

“She’s got a heart of Gold”

They say through their smiles

“She’s got such a good heart”

They say, delighted, in denial 

For it’s what they don’t see

That makes it truly shine

It’s the shadows she keeps hidden

That make her kindness devine 
For the fractures and splinters 

Of that self-same heart of Gold

And the kindness and empathy

Of which is always told

“She’s got such a pure kindness”

They say on a whim 

“Always thinking of others”

Never looking within
But it’s the shadows and darkness

Of such depth and dispair 

A cadaverous heart-ache

That never reaches the air

Her hands always reach out

As her smiles do to her eyes

A mere cloak for an emptiness 

That all her efforts must abide  
But her heart of Gold

And the delight seen by others

Takes a little of the sting 

Out of the darkness uncovered 

She truly does care 

It’s a prophecy to fulfill 

Her heart of Gold 

Can help keep her thoughts still
So a thank you to all

Who encourage her so

Your perception of her Golden heart

Is a cornerstone of her hope

The courage that you give her

And the hope that you may steer

Help to bring light into her eyes

And dullness to her fear

So they say

It will all get better in time

It’s helpful, it will heal

It will all get better in time 

So they say, but time steals

It will give to solace and peace

Give you hope, give you distance

It is healthy to mourn and grieve

So they say, they’re persistent
It will all become your past

Make you stronger hereafter

Build you up, thicken skin

So they say, build character 

It will give you space, give you peace

To make you grateful and greater

Turn your hurt from hate, tears to joy

So they say, a hope creater
You’re better off now

Without them, without circumstance

Without knowing, without love

So they say, dancing the dance

You’re far better off

Without that in your life

Without the joy? Without the comfort?

So they say, but I’ll not buy it
You’ll be happier without them

They were never right for you, we knew

You deserve better any way

So they say, to me, about you

So much happier without them

You were worth so much more

Get them out of your system, altogether 

So they say, but my heart ignores
Time heals

So they say

It’s just your past

So they say

You’re better off without

So they say

You’ll be happier

So they say
But time won’t heal 

My hear won’t fix 

The past is always present

And this new ‘happier’ is a trick

So they say

So they say

As they always do

But I’ll never wish you into my past

Yet I hope to be happy without you