Tongue tied

All those questions you always and never want to know 

All those feelings you always and never want validated 

All those answers you never yet always want to hear 

All those things you never but always want to remember 

Did you just get bored?

Did I do something?

Did you ever really love me?

Did you mean anything you said?

Did I ever know you?

All those things that make you grateful for being tongue tied

All those things that make you hate being tongue tied

All those feelings that chocked you and you’re glad of being tongue tied

All those questions that made you stumble, being frustrated that you’re tongue tied

Do you care?

Do you even understand what it means?

Do you have any idea?

Do you ever think of me?

Do you miss me?

Being tongue tied is a blessing and a curse

A double edged sword you can hold in a moment

Being tongue tied makes you fragile and strong

A catch 22 that completes the circle 

Being tongue tied gives you a voice, makes you mute 

A moment of madness and relief

Being tongue tied keeps you safe but on edge 

Moments of clarity and dispair 

Do I miss you?

Did I love you?

How would I feel if you asked it of me

Did I mean what I said?

Do I think of you?

How would I have responded if you asked it of me

So guess being tongue tied has its own relief

So maybe I should take solace, being tongue tied in my grief 

A new kind of dance

‪When fears linger & crouch in shadows‬
‪Like devils in the fog‬
‪Knowing all it takes‬ is fractured light‬
‪To spring them from the dark‬

‪Needing courage to be blinking back burning tears
To step over your heart in the dust
Leave it behind for a future
You will yourself on because you must

But a white fear grasps at my senses as I look to tomorrow
Knowing you’ll never be who you were entwines my thoughts with such sorrow

When fears linger & crouch in my thoughts
Like devils on the edge of intent
Uncertainty of you
Spins my syncopated hopes into descent

‪How can I move on‬‪ and say my goodbye‬s
‪When, so silently and abruptly you left‬
Being around you every day‬ through circumstance‬
Makes every minute and every hour a test‬

To shake up my world is so cruel when it’s just about my heart
Hoping to find solid ground, an opportunity – still I’m sad to restart

I miss you. I love you.
And as always you entice and enchant

But I’ll take fate by the hand and leave it all to chance
Fix my fractured heart with a new kind of dance

My Christmas Present

Merry Christmas folks. Here’s a new poem which is very close to my heart about accepting your here and now at a time where you’re expected to fit in with the clichés and expectations of others. Realising that you can enjoy the now and still remember those you have sadly lost.  


When the family gathers and the smiles start flowing

With the cold crisp air all eyes are glowing
When the air seems filled with festive tunes

And laughter hangs in the decorated rooms

Like gossamer threads in the frosty morn

Starlight glistens, they burn brighter than before
Telling tales of the moments gone, the unforgotten days

Are handprints ghosted on surfaces, gifts and doorways
A cliché; I know, but it’s the small things I adore

At a time where we all notice and are more aware than before

Continue reading

Couldn’t hear

I saw the shape of your words as you spoke
But I couldn’t hear my cry
I felt the air change as you left
But I hadn’t heard goodbye

I saw the angst in your reddened eyes
But I couldn’t hear your words
I tripped over your words as you left
But I swear I just hadn’t heard

I saw your mouth form the phrases
We’ve all heard before
But I couldn’t hear your goodbye
As it pulled shut the door

I knew it in every fracture of my heart
I felt it in the air and in every breath…

I had seen the words and heard the sounds
But I couldn’t hear your goodbye as you left

Night drive

Headlights tracking me,
A sort of rhythm,
But beating in silence;
Again, and again, and again, and again.

Speeding past, lightening,
Their moments are fleeting
Inimitably mimicking my memories;
Again, and again, and again.

Flying by, in a whisper, a wisp
Like my thoughts,  as I try to catch them
Partly Illuminated; like ghosts they glide;
Again and again.

Brightening every beat,
As they make silhouettes on my cheek,
I see all the imperfections of the glass,
Through which I wait for you;
Again.