Shadow

When the message comes from the shadows

From the antithesis, from your fear,

How do you respond?

How do you fight the tears?

When they’ve taken your voice and your hope

By ignoring the plea and your tears

How do you respond?

And hide your fear?

When they ignored your statement of “no”

By taking what they felt they were owed

How do you respond?

To the shadow gripping your soul?

When they know you were in their control

And you were too scared, you couldn’t just go

How do you respond?

To the shadow that saw ‘yes’ in ‘no’?

When the shadow imposes on your future

When you thought they were in your past

How do you respond?

Was ‘moving on’ too good to last?

When the shadow takes over your mind

The shadow haunts your every breath

How do you respond?

When your predator sends you a text?

When your shadow refuses to hide,

And you’re tearing your heart up inside,

How do you respond?

When you have hidden this part of your life?

So this shadow, this vulture, this ghost,

Who you trusted, when you were vulnerable and lost

How do you respond?

When you are fully aware of the cost?

Fear.

Hope.

Loss.

No.

I said no.

You heard yes.

And my shadow,

Puts me to the test.

Silence

A silence so heavy and hollow

It can wrap it’s fingers around your heart

Reaching through the inner shouts

And tormented voices

A silence so thick and empty

It can wrap itself around your mind

Reaching through to highlight the doubts

And question all your choices

The difference between lonely and alone

Is that silence you feel when all voices are gone

It’s that intrinsic belief you will always be one

The isolation is in your bones, as this heart-gripping silence becomes your home

Skip, breathe, leap

There’s a moment, an unquantifiable measure of sound,
of time, of intention and of desire
Where a heart-skip descends into a heart-break
Or a heart-break lifts to a heart-skip; like fire.
Take that ghostly uncertainty by the hand and be found,
in that moment, that heart-beat, that breath
Where first-love descends into love-lost
Or love-lost gives live to new-love; what’s next?

To take chance by the horns, leap into that heart-beat-skip-break
And know that this chance on your secret love, was your chance to take.
Stifled and stilted like your words as you untangle
to make sense of the metaphors by which your muse is strangled.

Take a leap into the unknown, it’s necessarily to risk,
in that second, that baited-breath; to love?
Where doubt and second chances, intertwine and dance
Or they part like stifled-breath with relief; is it enough?

Take a moment, by the hand and a leap into ‘unkown’
With baited-breath your heard skips; in a beat, in love but unshown,
Where the moments and memories collide in your head
And your eyes lock again with a history unsaid

You say “I still love you”
My thought; Requited.

You say “I miss you”
My thought; Decided.

Silence

A silence so thick, so deafening

I can feel it closing in around my cage

The cage supposing to protect my heart

The silence stifles as I force my breath to engage

A silence too cold, like lightening

I can feel it’s breath taking hold of my heart

The breath supposing to offer a beat of peace

Where my breath stutters, Silence’s breath starts

Lament

Sometimes there’s just no space to feel anything

Other than what’s expected

Go through the motions

Do what’s predicted

Don’t cause a fuss

And stay unaffected.

Sometimes I lament

I prophesise and I long for,

Just sometimes I feel it would be easier,

If I could be gone for

A heart beat or a moment

A moment, a minute

For peace or atonement

Knowing what I know,

What I feel and what I see

Not understanding a future

Despite or including me,

I put my strength and emotions to the test,

If I or my heart or my accute emotions

Were no longer around

Some how, and some times

I feel it would be best

To stay where your feet

Your hopes and heart hit the ground

I lament

I don’t hope

Sometimes

I don’t wanna cope

Whatever that means

And whatever they say

My moments and seconds

Are mine to play

Rain, reflected

The rain thunders lightly on the floor,

With each tap-thud-drip my heart sinks some more

The greyness and the thunder

Like the beast inside my chest

Pulling at the fractured shards

Never stopping, he’ll never rest

The rain reflects the light in each falling gem

Like the flicker in my heart that I’ll be whole once again

The dancing of the light

Like the sprite inside my mind

Holding onto the smallest glimmer

Knowing it will pass in time

The rain runs and runs, pouring across the scene

Like the cascading fear and tears I choke-back; not to be seen

The lightening startles, it cuts

Like your words through my facade

Intricate, beautiful but broken

Why do I let down my guard

The rain thunders, reflects and runs, like a river to a stream

I’m saddened by how much it still hurts that you could be so false with me

Tongue tied

All those questions you always and never want to know 

All those feelings you always and never want validated 

All those answers you never yet always want to hear 

All those things you never but always want to remember 

Did you just get bored?

Did I do something?

Did you ever really love me?

Did you mean anything you said?

Did I ever know you?

All those things that make you grateful for being tongue tied

All those things that make you hate being tongue tied

All those feelings that chocked you and you’re glad of being tongue tied

All those questions that made you stumble, being frustrated that you’re tongue tied

Do you care?

Do you even understand what it means?

Do you have any idea?

Do you ever think of me?

Do you miss me?

Being tongue tied is a blessing and a curse

A double edged sword you can hold in a moment

Being tongue tied makes you fragile and strong

A catch 22 that completes the circle 

Being tongue tied gives you a voice, makes you mute 

A moment of madness and relief

Being tongue tied keeps you safe but on edge 

Moments of clarity and dispair 

Do I miss you?

Did I love you?

How would I feel if you asked it of me

Did I mean what I said?

Do I think of you?

How would I have responded if you asked it of me

So guess being tongue tied has its own relief

So maybe I should take solace, being tongue tied in my grief 

A new kind of dance

‪When fears linger & crouch in shadows‬
‪Like devils in the fog‬
‪Knowing all it takes‬ is fractured light‬
‪To spring them from the dark‬

‪Needing courage to be blinking back burning tears
To step over your heart in the dust
Leave it behind for a future
You will yourself on because you must

But a white fear grasps at my senses as I look to tomorrow
Knowing you’ll never be who you were entwines my thoughts with such sorrow

When fears linger & crouch in my thoughts
Like devils on the edge of intent
Uncertainty of you
Spins my syncopated hopes into descent

‪How can I move on‬‪ and say my goodbye‬s
‪When, so silently and abruptly you left‬
Being around you every day‬ through circumstance‬
Makes every minute and every hour a test‬

To shake up my world is so cruel when it’s just about my heart
Hoping to find solid ground, an opportunity – still I’m sad to restart

I miss you. I love you.
And as always you entice and enchant

But I’ll take fate by the hand and leave it all to chance
Fix my fractured heart with a new kind of dance

My Christmas Present

Merry Christmas folks. Here’s a new poem which is very close to my heart about accepting your here and now at a time where you’re expected to fit in with the clichés and expectations of others. Realising that you can enjoy the now and still remember those you have sadly lost.  


When the family gathers and the smiles start flowing

With the cold crisp air all eyes are glowing
When the air seems filled with festive tunes

And laughter hangs in the decorated rooms

Like gossamer threads in the frosty morn

Starlight glistens, they burn brighter than before
Telling tales of the moments gone, the unforgotten days

Are handprints ghosted on surfaces, gifts and doorways
A cliché; I know, but it’s the small things I adore

At a time where we all notice and are more aware than before

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