Dear Anyone

Sometimes Dear Anyone,
Is the deepest call from your heart.
From the core of your cries it’s deafening,
Anyone. Just anyone. Can Anyone be there?
To feel my pain and comfort the cries?
Sometimes Dear Anyone,
Is the shrillist cry from your heart.
From the syncipated beating of your veins,
Anyone, Just anyone, Can anyone hear my call?
To sooth my horrors and comfort my pains?
Sometimes Dear Anyone,
Is the last resort from your fingers as they fly
Across your keyboards in the guise of “any chance you’re free?”
Anyone. Dear God. Please. Anyone.
Can you call back to me?

Shadow

When the message comes from the shadow
From the antithesis, from your fear,
How do you respond?
How do you fight the tears?

When they’ve taken your voice and your hope
By ignoring the plea and your tears
How do you respond?
And hide your fear?

When they ignored your statement of “no”
By taking what they felt they were owed
How do you respond?
To the shadow gripping your soul?
When they know you were in their control
And you were too scared, you couldn’t just go
How do you respond?

To the shadow that saw ‘yes’ in ‘no’?
When the shadow imposes on your future
When you thought they were in your past
How do you respond?
Was ‘moving on’ too good to last?

When the shadow takes over your mind
The shadow haunts your every breath
How do you respond?
When your predator sends you a text?

When your shadow refuses to hide,
And you’re tearing your heart up inside,
How do you respond
When you have hidden this part of your life?
So this shadow, this vulture, this ghost,
Who you trusted, when you were vulnerable and lost
How do you respond?
When you are fully aware of the cost?

Fear.
Hope.
Loss.

No.

I said no. You chose yes.

And my shadow,
Puts me to the test.

Silence

A silence so heavy and hollow
It can wrap it’s fingers around your heart
Reaching through the inner shouts
And tormented voices
A silence so thick and empty
It can wrap itself around your mind
Reaching through to highlight the doubts
And question all your choices
The difference between lonely and alone
Is that silence you feel when all voices are gone
It’s that intrinsic belief you will always be one
The isolation is in your bones, as this heart-gripping silence becomes your home

Skip, breathe, leap

There’s a moment, an unquantifiable measure of sound,
of time, of intention and of desire
Where a heart-skip descends into a heart-break
Or a heart-break lifts to a heart-skip; like fire.
Take that ghostly uncertainty by the hand and be found,
in that moment, that heart-beat, that breath
Where first-love descends into love-lost
Or love-lost gives live to new-love; what’s next?

To take chance by the horns, leap into that heart-beat-skip-break
And know that this chance on your secret love, was your chance to take.
Stifled and stilted like your words as you untangle
to make sense of the metaphors by which your muse is strangled.

Continue reading “Skip, breathe, leap”

Silence

A silence so thick, so deafening
I can feel it closing in around my cage
The cage supposing to protect my heart
The silence stifles as I force my breath to engage
A silence too cold, like lightening
I can feel it’s breath taking hold of my heart
The breath supposing to offer a beat of peace
Where my breath stutters, Silence’s breath starts

Lament

Sometimes there’s just no space to feel anything
Other than what’s expected
Go through the motions
Do what’s predicted
Don’t cause a fuss
And stay unaffected.
Sometimes I lament
I prophesise and I long for,
Just sometimes I feel it would be easier,
If I could be gone for
A heart beat or a moment
A moment, a minute

Continue reading “Lament”

Rain, reflected

The rain thunders lightly on the floor,
With each tap-thud-drip my heart sinks some more
The greyness and the thunder
Like the beast inside my chest
Pulling at the fractured shards
Never stopping, he’ll never rest
The rain reflects the light in each falling gem
Like the flicker in my heart that I’ll be whole once again
The dancing of the light
Like the sprite inside my mind
Holding onto the smallest glimmer
Knowing it will pass in time
The rain runs and runs, pouring across the scene
Like the cascading fear and tears I choke-back; not to be seen
The lightening startles, it cuts
Like your words through my facade
Intricate, beautiful but broken
Why do I let down my guard
The rain thunders, reflects and runs, like a river to a stream
I’m saddened by how much it still hurts that you could be so false with me

Tongue tied

All those questions you always and never want to know 

All those feelings you always and never want validated 

All those answers you never yet always want to hear 

All those things you never but always want to remember 

Did you just get bored?

Did I do something?

Did you ever really love me?

Did you mean anything you said?

Did I ever know you?

All those things that make you grateful for being tongue tied

All those things that make you hate being tongue tied

All those feelings that chocked you and you’re glad of being tongue tied

All those questions that made you stumble, being frustrated that you’re tongue tied

Do you care?

Do you even understand what it means?

Do you have any idea?

Do you ever think of me?

Do you miss me?

Being tongue tied is a blessing and a curse

A double edged sword you can hold in a moment

Being tongue tied makes you fragile and strong

A catch 22 that completes the circle 

Being tongue tied gives you a voice, makes you mute 

A moment of madness and relief

Being tongue tied keeps you safe but on edge 

Moments of clarity and dispair 

Do I miss you?

Did I love you?

How would I feel if you asked it of me

Did I mean what I said?

Do I think of you?

How would I have responded if you asked it of me

So guess being tongue tied has its own relief

So maybe I should take solace, being tongue tied in my grief 

A new kind of dance

‪When fears linger & crouch in shadows‬
‪Like devils in the fog‬
‪Knowing all it takes‬ is fractured light‬
‪To spring them from the dark‬

‪Needing courage to be blinking back burning tears
To step over your heart in the dust
Leave it behind for a future
You will yourself on because you must

But a white fear grasps at my senses as I look to tomorrow
Knowing you’ll never be who you were entwines my thoughts with such sorrow

When fears linger & crouch in my thoughts
Like devils on the edge of intent
Uncertainty of you
Spins my syncopated hopes into descent

‪How can I move on‬‪ and say my goodbye‬s
‪When, so silently and abruptly you left‬
Being around you every day‬ through circumstance‬
Makes every minute and every hour a test‬

To shake up my world is so cruel when it’s just about my heart
Hoping to find solid ground, an opportunity – still I’m sad to restart

I miss you. I love you.
And as always you entice and enchant

But I’ll take fate by the hand and leave it all to chance
Fix my fractured heart with a new kind of dance

My Christmas Present

Merry Christmas folks. Here’s a new poem which is very close to my heart about accepting your here and now at a time where you’re expected to fit in with the clichés and expectations of others. Realising that you can enjoy the now and still remember those you have sadly lost.  


When the family gathers and the smiles start flowing

With the cold crisp air all eyes are glowing
When the air seems filled with festive tunes

And laughter hangs in the decorated rooms

Like gossamer threads in the frosty morn

Starlight glistens, they burn brighter than before
Telling tales of the moments gone, the unforgotten days

Are handprints ghosted on surfaces, gifts and doorways
A cliché; I know, but it’s the small things I adore

At a time where we all notice and are more aware than before

Continue reading “My Christmas Present”